Interview With The Atlantean
by Catlantean
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Catlantean: Welcome to the one and only Catlantis Show! Meet our today's guest – Natla of Atlantis!
Natla: Greetings everyone.
Catlantean: Welcome, Natla. So, let's start with our interview. We had a chance to see you as the main villain in Tomb Raider, so how's it like to be a villain nowadays?
Natla: You should ask Bartoli that one. I don't really see myself as a villain.
Catlantean: No?
Natla: From my point of view, my acts weren't evil
Catlantean: But you are evil by regular standards, aren't you?
Natla: That's correct. But if you're an evil person, in your eyes it's evil to do what you others see as good.
Catlantean: Uh, sure…Now, you wanted to take over the world. Why was it so?
Natla: Because human litter is not worth this planet. They spoil everything they touch, they're destructive as hell and letting them to rule this planet is like signing your own death sentence.
Catlantean: An interesting point of view…but, why did you rebel on Atlantis then?
Natla: For pretty the same reason.
Catlantean: Now, let's talk a bit about your creatures…well, they don't seem intelligent enough to rule the planet…
Natla: They're unfinished.
Catlantean:…and they look a bit gross…
Natla: They're unfinished.
Catlantean:…so don't you think that people's reaction to them would be…hmmm, negative?
Natla: Like I care. They'd kill your puny kind before it could even react.
Catlantean: That's scary…I mean, cool. Now, how did you make your creatures shoot fireballs?
Natla: Are you resourcefull in the field of genetics?
Catlantean: Uh, not really…
Natla: Next question, please.
Catlantean: Allright. Now, tell us something about yourself. I can see you have a nice pair of wings on your back…
Natla: Thank you.
Catlantean: How does it feel to have wings? Is it unpractical?
Natla: No, not at all. Wings are very useful today, since this city, and the world as well, are so crowded. When you have wings, you can simply fly over it. It's more ethically correct than getting frustrated and blasting the crowd.
Catlantean: You can say that again!
Natla: And when you're in the air, it's easier to take aim…
Catlantean: Uh, sure. But don't you think that people stare at your wings?
Natla: They do. So what? The part of your race with XY cromosomes would be staring even if I had no wings.
Catlantean: Well, I guess they would. Is it true that you're ten millenia old?
Natla: Chronologically, yes. Biologically, I'm only about one hundred years old.
Catlantean: ONLY?!? So you are immortal?
Natla: For the knowledge of Atlantis, eternal life was an easy victory.
Catlantean: So that means there are more of you Atlanteans walking among us?
Natla: I doubt it. Most of my people died when Atlantis was destroyed. And if there were survivors, they've met their demise during the past ten millenia.
Catlantean: And what if they were frozen such as you, and survived?
Natla: Again, I doubt it. On Atlantis, freezing criminals - or the ones considered criminals - wasn't so common as you think. For most crimes, the punishment was death. Because I was a ruler no one had the right to kill me, so I was frozen.
Catlantean: So you had people killed for, like, picking pockets? That is a bit severe…
Natla: It isn't. It was.
Catlantean: Did you agree with such laws?
Natla: I do not agree with any laws. They're a barrier, nothing more. Made to be broken.
Catlantean: So you're an anarchist?
Natla: Sort of. Not that I live to break laws or such - that is idiocy. But if there is a better way of doing things, why not? There's nothing wrong in individualism.
Catlantean: What was your first impression of the 20th century world?
Natla: How would you feel if you were sent back in time to the prehistoric age?
Catlantean: Like the world sucks.
Natla: You got the point.
Catlantean: You were born on Atlantis, and you lived there for quite a while…how do you feel about it now, after Atlantis is destroyed? Are you homesick?
Natla: I don't care about Atlantis, it was just an island. And as for Atlanteans - they deserved it. I do regret the loss of our technology though.
Catlantean: Why did you establish Natla Technologies?
Natla: Because I wanted to share my knowledge with your race.
Catlantean: Really?!?
Natla: I'm being sarcastic.
Catlantean: Sure…so, why did you establish NT?
Natla: Because I needed money to finance digs on Azores. To find the Pyramid, and go on with my plans.
Catlantean: Why didn't you just make a laser gun and go rob a bank?
Natla: Not my style.
Catlantean: Allright. Why did you name yourself Jacqueline?
Natla: I needed a name which you people would consider normal. "Natla of Atlantis" would be considered weird, don't you think?
Catlantean: Especially the Atlantis part…
Natla: I'm glad you understand. Now, what was your next question?
Catlantean: What do you think about Lara Croft?
Natla: She's a greedy jackal.
Catlantean: But when you offered her money, she said she only played for sport.
Natla: Who's talking about money? She's artifact-greedy. And a very prying person.
Catlantean: And if I told you that she was behind that door…
Natla blasts the door off (and the entire room behind it as well)
Natla: Did that answer your question?
Catlantean: Sss…sure. Excuse me for a moment…(goes away to pull herself together, then returns)
Catlantan: Now, Natla, people would like to hear a word or two about your love life…
Natla: Let's make it two words, then: love death.
Catlantean: How come?
Natla: I want it so.
Catlantean: Some people say you're in love with…errr, Lara Croft…
Natla: I've heard the hell is a nice place this time of the year. So would you be so kind to ask those people if they care to find out?
Catlantean: Errr, I don't think it's neccesary. Talking about hell…do you believe in life after death?
Natla: No. But I do believe in death after life.
Catlantean: Interesting indeed. What do you think about Tihocan and Qualopec?
Natla: Wasters. Dead wasters.
Catlantean: Pierre and Larson?
Natla: Same as the previous.
Catlantean: And about my site?
Natla: It's very nice of you to make a website dedicated to me. Remind me to sign your guestbook.
Catlantean: Thanks for the kind words. It was a pleasure talking to you, Natla. Is there anything you'd like to say to the public?
Natla: Of course. This world might be evil and sucky and stinky, but enjoy it anyway - while you still can.